I am the Walrus

“I am his, we are his and we are here and we are all together…”

I’ve always loved this song.  I was raised on the Beatles and Pink Floyd, one of the first things my dad taught me (other than how to play a Sega Genesis) was how to respond to “So who is Pink?”  Answer?  You laugh.  They just don’t get it 😉

So random things that have happened in the last few days are not too exciting but here goes.  I was voted employee of the month!!  Yay!  A co-worker of mine during “snack time” had his first encounter in his 13 years of employment of a resident telling him she just wanted to go.  He didn’t know how to handle it.  I took him aside and told him to just tell her to relax.  It won’t last forever.  He then asked me how it could end, what could she do?  I said “Euthanasia.”  Okay, for one i said this to test his knowledge about the topic.  And i was right.  He immediately asked if it was a country, “no.” is it a drug? “uhhhhh……kind of?” is it legal? “not here, no….in some countries, yes.”  I gave up this guessing game and explained it to him, he immediately remembered Kevorkian and knew what i was talking about.

Allow me to backtrack; today, and this weekend kinda sucked but flew by.  That was a good thing!  And hey, did anyone else see the new Walking Dead episode!?  That Michonne, love her.  Sorry, i had about 5 hours of sleep last night, got to work and it was literally cardio for another 5 hours straight while residents ask you for three different things as soon as you get into the dining room. Had to cancel pilates with my bff but it’s cool, she understands.  But really, it’s hard to pretend to be super excited and happy all the time.  It drains you.  This might be the worst post ever that i do, but guys i’m human, and i do care and i wanna check up and in on you!  Well, here’s to hoping tomorrow will be awesome!  😀


Bowing out, gracefully

I called my mom, like i always do when i cannot make up my mind about what i should do.  I explained the interview, the reasons behind it.  I texted the girl last night and said “Before i do this, i have to ask you, why do you want to interview women who haven’t obtained a bachelor’s degree and those whose parents did not attend college?”  Her response was ” I didn’t want participants who had taken women’s studies courses in college (or classes about similar issues) to just tell me what they learned in those classes, if that makes any sense.”




Guess what darling, i’ve taken many sociology courses, including a gender studies one, human sexuality, abnormal psychology and early childhood and development.  Sociology of death and dying i lasted until the third day.  I dropped after that day.  Our teacher was very depressed overall and she showed us a video of how death is celebrated all over the world which personally i found fascinating.  Until the last 10 minutes.  There was a monk climbing a brick building, covered in white powder.  His garb was attached to the top with a rope, but it broke.  We watched him fall to his death, and thankfully he died instantly.  But i left that class thinking “i am never going back.”  and i didn’t.  I am NO stranger to death, everyone i have been really close to in my family has died.  I work with people who are dying every single day.  I just wanted to learn, having it put like that just i dunno, it unnerved me.  I can take seeing the hearse drive up to work, i can handle a resident telling me they just want to die, they just want the pain to end.  It breaks my heart but i hold their hand and try to talk them through it and tell them to relax, that this can’t last forever.  

Never underestimate the power of the human spirit.  Yes, i do go home and cry over these people.  I love them.  And i love it even more when their family members can be with them in their last moments.  THAT is what matters, we are just the middle-men, making them as comfortable as they can be until you decide to visit.

Never think that just because i don’t hold a degree in my hand that i am not doing something extremely important, and that i am not well educated.   I could tell you a thing or two about the human spirit. 

my non-college degree educated opinion

“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education”- Mark Twain

I have attended college, yes, have i graduated?  No. Why?  Because that little thing that strings us all together and connects us happened; life.  And time.  Time kept going on, work became more and more, i had to go full time to make sure i would have health insurance and college began to diminish.  Sure, i have attended on and off since i graduated high school.  However i realized something about a year ago, i do not want to go the traditional route and attain a “four” year bachelor’s degree, and no where in the cards for me is a masters in anything but common sense.  I come from a family where only one person has a bachelor’s degree and she doesn’t even use it to this day.  My parents were “hippies” and never thought that a college education would be as important today as it is and therefore i never had a college fund.  So on the merry-go-round of community college i went!  i finally realized last year that the best bet for me, and what makes the most sense, is a certification.  An education i can attain and a paper i can hold that says yes, i studied directly in this field and am specifically trained in what i want to do.  I honestly feel like in today’s society and workplace this makes even more sense than ever.

Now i am not trying to put down anyone who has gone to college and finished and gone on to more, more power to you and congratulations!  That is just not the life for me.  What spurred this post was my agreeing to help a friend of a friend with a research project for her thesis.  I was told my by friend that she was looking for anyone who wanted to participate on the topic of how women and their body image are portrayed in the media and i thought “great!  i have a lot of views on that subject, both positive and negative, i could totally help her!”  Well, today i was corresponding with the girl via text and i finally read the email she sent about those she wants to interview.  Turns out she specifically wants to interview women who have not attended college, or have attended and have not graduated with a bachelor’s degree or higher, and women who have parents who did not attend college.  Well, ding dong, the witch is dead, you found me.

My initial feeling was “wow, that kind of really hurts.”  I always thought i was smart, and i know all of my friends say the same thing, but being put into a demographic with that description just kinda…..i dunno, stings?  The thing is, she doesn’t know the reasons behind why i haven’t graduated, why my parents didn’t go to college, what our family is.  Is my opinion supposed to be assumed as more unintelligent because i don’t hold a piece of paper that says i spent however many thousands of dollars on a college education? Because if that is the case, i’m sorry ma’am, my interview will not be going as you intend.  An uneducated response is not what you will receive.  I look up to people such as Arianna Huffington, Amy Hempel, Amy Sedaris, Marina Abramovic and many other intelligent women in the media.  Maybe i am just jumping the gun on this one, but we’ll see.  Hopefully i am wrong, and if i am not, then hopefully i do a good job of proving my little demographic to be more intelligent than previously assumed.


Being single and 27, living in the midwest it really makes you feel like “damn, what is wrong with me??  What did I do wrong?” Is it my own fault for deciding after a really long, drawn out and one sided relationship with a drug abuser i chose to take time out of relationships altogether to get to know myself and now i could have commitment and trust issues? It felt like the right thing to do.  I don’t regret it, and i only feel pressure by those around me to get married asap.  Am i a freak for thinking that i can have fun during my 20’s and settle down later when i’m in my 30’s?  It’s a little jarring when people you went to school with are already have children and are getting divorced.  Just makes me wonder if i’m doing things right or wrong….

That Time I took a Train to Chicago to see NIN

I like to think about fond memories from the past pretty often, I think everyone does.  So here is one of those memories.

A few years ago one of my good friends living right out of Chicago bought us tickets to see NIN on their farewell tour at this massive outdoor arena right next to Lake Michigan.  It was May, and i woke up that morning, double checked my backpack for my essentials such as toothbrush, phone charger, security blanket, ipod, clothes, my now favorite David Sedaris book “When You are Engulfed in Flames” and a water bottle that was a gift from work that i used to put a strong mixed vodka drink in for after the show.  Hey, a girl needs to be prepared.

I made it to the train station about 15 minutes before the train arrived and boarded.  Taking a train for a few hours by yourself with a book and some music is a very therapeutic experience i recommend everyone try at some point.  I mean, once you get over the anxiety of deciding where to sit and are sure you aren’t taking someone’s seat while they are in the bathroom, the people watching quality is amazing.  A very wide variety of people take the trains.  I like to come up with a little back story for the more odd ones, and anyone in a suit is clearly a business professional on their rushed way to one of their many meetings and doesn’t know if they’ll be able to make it home on time to cook dinner, so they’ll probably just pick something up.

I read my book, listened to my music and spaced out.

Once at the train station i found out my friend was running a bit late with traffic as she was coming straight from work to meet me, so i found a bar in Union Station (the only bar i noticed) that had a light up sign that advertised air conditioning and this being May in Chicago, i liked them already.  I found a small table by a glass window that separated the bar from the station and a very nice waitress took my order for a long island iced tea.  I figured why not, i’m on a mini vacation, i can pretend to be this confident person who can have a drink by themselves and read a book.  And i did, and it was great.  I ended up having two drinks before my friend arrived, and i had the privilege of listening to a seemingly crazy man at the bar rant and rave about really nothing to anyone who would listen, and the nice waitress would give me a little smile and a roll of her eyes about him when she saw me look over.

Once my friend arrived, we decided to head to the park to get some lunch and get ready to wait in line for over an hour in the heat.  Being a server means i usually have some random condiment in my purse at all times and for once the random mustard and mayonnaise packets i had came in handy for our turkey wraps.  Then the waiting began.  That part was really boring.

Once in we had amazing standing spots just two rows from the front, the opening act was Street Sweeper Social Club.  I didn’t know of them before the show, but upon realizing i was mere feet from Tom Morello and his amazing guitar and skills i was hooked.  They are a truly talented band and everyone should give them a try!

Once NIN hit the stage, it was basically all over.  I have anxiety as it is, so you can only imagine how it felt to have the crowd literally rush and push forward so tightly i couldn’t raise my hands from my sides.  My friend is only about 5′ tall,  a good 6-7 inches shorter than me, but she sure knows what to do.  There was a line of “frat boys” behind us who linked their arms and tried to help keep the crowd from pushing everyone down.  At this point it felt like the bottom half of my body was going one direction and the top half the other, and stories of people being crushed during concerts flooded my head.  My friend grabbed my arm and told me to push and follow her, and an older man saw and helped us get out of that area.  We found a safer spot still in a really good line of sight by the side.  After that, the fun continued!

When the show ended and we had already made a mad dash to one of the nastiest, most busy public bathrooms you can imagine in a parking garage, we set up camp listening to music from her car and sitting in the empty space next to it, waiting for the traffic to die down.  I got out my water bottle and had a few drinks, already exhausted from the day in general.  When we got back to her apartment it wasn’t very long until we were both passed out from the long day.

The next morning she took me to the train station, we said good bye and i was back on my way home.  The only really confusing thing was that morning i had a hell of a time finding her toothpaste.  I mean, you keep it on the sink by the brushes right?  I found something, i dunno what kind of toothpaste it was but it worked.

This place.

This is the place i plan on putting out there some of my random thoughts, musings and writings, whether they be fictional or truth.  I’ll clarify when it’s a made up story, of course.  My life may seem boring to some, but that’s alright, nobody has to read anything.  I guess i’ll give a little info about myself.  I am a single female in my 20’s, living on my own and working a job that barely makes ends meet, but i really cannot complain.  I am lucky enough to not live in complete poverty and i have a little house (the difference between mine and yours is probably that i can move my house, and yours most likely has a foundation.) that i love.  Oh yea, and a pretty awesome dog if i do say so myself.   So feel free to read what i write or don’t, that’s up to you!

Hey, we all have our up's and downs. These are mine.